Sampada Sharma
All 3 kg of me swaddled in a white cotton blanket
I was held before statues of God in a temple
Free of all sin, so sweet and pure was I
Now 20 years later all 45 Kg of me stands
Inside the very same temple where I was held before God as if I was a savior
In a white cashmere sweater, white leggings, white ballet flats
All white – screaming innocence
And these lies –
These lies are causing the pearls around my neck to tighten
My hand comes in a foreboding motion as they come together to meet in a prayer
As I bow my head, my legs tucked underneath me – backs bent
All agony, sin, pride and envy weigh heavily on my shoulders
Exoneration from guilt
Is it possible, I question
Is my confession welcome?
Is redemption possible for someone who was once innocent?
Someone led astray by the infinite choices laid in front of them?
The tears leak as my head lowers another inch
And hands held together for a prayer trembles
How can I hold a prayer when I can’t hold my tears in?
When eyes overfill to wash the flesh knowing it can’t wash the soul
Can’t wash pride and honor
Ironic and fitting that shards of despair has hit the heart of hope
And now all I see is black and white
Has the pearly gates been closed to me
Now and Forever?
And has the connection between the holy God and me been severed
Now and Forever?
ooo
ooo
